


History Is What You Make It.

by Lady_Blade_WarAngel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Female Merlin, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-05 01:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Blade_WarAngel/pseuds/Lady_Blade_WarAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Born in violence, raised in sadness, living in eternal hope. Mordred always had a history, but history is what you make it. As he tries to save the people who mean the most to him, will he cause more harm than good? Fem-Merlin fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 1.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 _“Come ride with me,_  
_Through the veins of history,_  
_I’ll show you how God,  
_ _Falls asleep on the job._

 _And how can we win,_  
_When fools can be Kings,_  
_Don’t waste your time,  
_ _Or Time will waste you._

 _No one’s gonna take me alive,_  
_The time has come to make things right,_  
_You and I must fight for our rights,  
_ _You and I must fight to survive.” Knights of Cydonia – Muse_

“Mordred.” Mordred looked at Arthur Pendragon. He’d been deep in thought before the King had smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder. It was close to the time where he would have to make a choice. It was a sadistic choice, that felt like a double-edged sword in his heart and soul and as he thought about it, it was like twisting the sword entwined with his emotions. But Mordred already knew what he had to do. The sadistic choice was whether or not he could do it. Mordred saw Merlin a few feet off from the Knights, sat on the steps that led to the courtyard. No one knew the truth that Mordred did. No one knew that Merlin was actually a woman. She had hidden that secret along with her magic from everyone, apart from Gaius and her mother, but Mordred knew. He knew because Merlin was _his_ mother. A mother he had loved and lost already, but had travelled back in time so that he could have that little extra time with her. Those memories that others had shared with him were not enough. They couldn’t be enough. He remembered the day she died as though it had happened yesterday.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_“Mordred!” Mordred has been playing in his little room. Grandpa Gaius had given him a heavy tome to read and Mordred was just getting to the interesting part when his mother had burst in. “Mordred! Come! Quickly!” Merlin had said. Her hair was still cropped short and she was dressed in her old blue tunic and breeches, her red neckerchief around her neck. She was in her boy transformation. Mordred was used to this by now, knowing that his mother would only allow him and Grandpa Gaius to see her true female form. The transformation spell, made Merlin look like a man, but she was most definitely a woman. Mordred could see that she was terrified. Mordred was six years old, but he knew that something was very wrong._

_“Merlin what’s wrong?” Gaius asked. Merlin looked at Gaius, the fear in her eyes seemed to be growing._

_“Morgana has attacked Camelot. I have to get Mordred out of the city and then try to save Arthur and Gwen before she gets to them. She hasn’t gotten to the citadel yet.” Merlin said. Gaius seemed shell shocked as his mother, grabbed a pack and threw clothes in. Mordred’s clothes. She grabbed her old spell book from its hiding place and threw his green cloak around his shoulders._

_“Mother what’s wrong?” Mordred remembered asking._

_“I have to take you somewhere so you’ll be safe my Mordred. You need to hide in the forest and if the worst should happen, Kilgarrah will come for you.” Merlin told him. She hugged him tightly and then threw her old jacket on. She looked at Gaius. “Give Grandpa Gaius a hug and kiss goodbye sweetheart.” Merlin told Mordred gently. Mordred did hug the old man._

_“I will see you again won’t I grandpa?” Mordred asked. Gaius had smiled at him._

_“You will most definitely see me again my boy.” Gaius said. Then Merlin had hugged Gaius._

_“I love you, you crazy old goat. You’ve been so much more of a father then I ever thought I’d have.” Merlin said to Gaius. Gaius hugged Merlin back._

_“Be careful Merlin. My old heart won’t be able to take losing you.” Gaius replied. “You’ve always been the child I never had.” Gaius added. Merlin nodded and picked Mordred up._

_“Mordred, you must listen to me. I’m going to get you out of the castle and you must go into the woods, to the clearing where we meet Kilgarrah. Do you understand?” Merlin asked._

_“I understand Mother. What about you? Won’t you be with me?” Mordred asked._

_“I will. I will find you later my darling. I have to distract the guards and you have to go to the woods. Promise me Mordred.” Merlin had pleaded._

_“I promise Mother.” Mordred replied. Soon enough, Mordred was outside the castle._

_“You must be careful. Don’t let anyone see you. I’ll go and save Uncle Arthur and Auntie Gwen and I will try and come to you as soon as I can.” Merlin said gently. Mordred nodded. “Go my darling.” Merlin whispered. Mordred went._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

She sent him away to protect him. But he’d come back, come back to see her dying. He’d gotten frightened when the sun had started going down and his mother still hadn’t come for him. She’d never left him alone for so long. He sometimes wished he had never gone back that day, because he would never forget what he had seen.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Mordred had crept into the castle again. He was frightened by how many soldiers there were everywhere. Mordred found his mother in the great hall. She was lying on the ground and there was a pool of blood around her. She was pale, her eyes mirrored his own, as they always had, and Mordred had knelt by her side, taking her hand. “Mother! I need to get Grandpa Gaius.” Mordred had said to her. She was bleeding heavily, and there was a gaping wound in her stomach. Mordred was frightened. He’d never known real fear before, but seeing his mother like this had given him fear. Merlin didn’t let him leave, she kept a tight hold of his small hand as she smiled at him._

_“Grandpa Gaius can’t help me sweetheart. I love you Mordred. Never forget that. Never. No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone tells you. I love you more than anything in this world.” His mother had said. She gently wiped the tears from his face._

_“What do I do Mother?” Mordred pleaded._

_“You must go back to the clearing in the forest. Kilgarrah will come for you. Go my little one. Don’t let anyone find you. Run. Be safe my son.” It was that moment that his mother had died. Her hand slipped down from his cheek. Mordred had picked up her hand and held it against his cheek again. She was still warm, and Mordred wanted the comfort of his mother so desperately. He didn’t understand she was dead. He didn’t understand why she had fallen asleep so suddenly and stopped breathing. Mordred had tried pleading and then he had shaken her shoulder vigorously, trying to rouse her. It was when he heard footsteps coming that he had finally gotten up and left his mother. He’d hidden in every secret place his mother had ever told him about in the castle, to escape Morgana’s guards, all the while he had wanted to run back to his mother, make her wake up and hug him as she always had. When he got to the clearing Mordred found Kilgarrah waiting for him._  
  
_“Why did this happen? Why did my mother fall asleep and not wake up?” Mordred asked. Kilgarrah looked down at him sadly._

_“Your mother is gone little one. She is in the other world with your all those you know, but she will never be forgotten. You are the last Dragonlord now, little one.” Kilgarrah told him. Mordred wept bitter tears, his own magic raged in turmoil, bringing such a storm that people called it ‘The Tempest of the Seven Ages’ and once Mordred had finished raging and crying he had looked at the Dragon._

_“What do I do now?” Mordred asked sadly._

_“You will come with me. You will be safe and looked after. Your mother was my kin, just as you are. I will not allow those who took your mother to take you too.” Kilgarrah said._

_“But where will we go?” Mordred asked._

_“To the Lake of Avalon, where I will teach you all I know. When it is time, I will give you a special gift, the gift of seeing your mother’s life. A piece of her will always be alive in you. Her memories will be yours, when it is time.” Kilgarrah said. Mordred nodded. He wanted to know what had happened to his mother. He wanted his mother with him more than anything else in the world, but she was gone. She was gone forever and she was not going to be coming back._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred had ridden on Kilgarrah’s back for the first time. He’d been raised at the Lake of Avalon for ten years, by the Lady of the Lake, Freya, who was a friend of his mother’s, and by Kilgarrah. He’d been loved and cared for. He knew very little of his mother. The only survivors from the old days of Camelot were Sir Gwaine and Sir Percival. They had been sent out on a mission, and when they came back they found everyone dead. Mordred had learned, when he was twelve and quite by accident, that the heads of King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, Gaius, Sir Leon, his Grandmother Hunith and his beloved mother, had been put on spikes and displayed on Camelot’s castle ramparts. Mordred had wept bitter tears that night, even as he thought he was too old to cry, he couldn’t help thinking of the people he loved so much being disrespected. Even in death they had been given no dignity.

Those ten years passed with Gwaine and Percival visiting often. They trained him and told him stories of his mother that he hadn’t known. He always begged for more, wanting every morsel that they knew of his mother. He missed her with such a palpable ache that it hurt him. It hurt him more than anything else. That was until he reached the age of sixteen. Kilgarrah had determined that it was time Mordred finally be gifted with his mother’s memories, and how that hurt him. It was more of a curse than a gift.


	2. Chapter 2.

History is What You Make It.

Chapter 2.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

_“On the floating, shapeless oceans,_

_I did all my best to smile,_

_Til your singing eyes and fingers,_

_Drew me loving into your eyes,_

_And you sang “Sail to me, sail to me; Let me enfold you.”_

_Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you._

_Did I dream you dreamed about me?_

_Were you here when I was full sail?_

_Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks,_

_For you sang, “Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.”_

_Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow._  


_I'm as puzzled as a newborn child._

_I'm as riddled as the tide._

_Should I stand amid the breakers?_

_Or shall I lie with death my bride?_

_Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."_

_"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you." Song to the Siren – This Mortal Coil_

Mordred was wondering the halls, looking for Gwaine to train with, or even Arthur. Anything to get out the frustration he was feeling. He knew his own mother didn’t trust him and it broke his heart. But he could never explain why she should trust him. At least he couldn’t yet. He had to wait until after his own conception before he could approach his mother, for that was when she would see the truth in his eyes. Eyes he had inherited from her. He remembered the day that Kilgarrah had decided to gift him with his mother’s memories. It was a day that he turned over and over in his mind, along with the acquired memories of his mother.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Mordred stood in front of Kilgarrah and waited. The dragon breathed his magic flame over him and suddenly, Mordred was going through many flashes of his mother’s life. He saw her birth, her mother, her life in Ealdor. He saw her make her way to Camelot and all the adventures that that entailed. He saw Merlin save Arthur over and over again, and he saw Arthur become King. He saw Arthur marry Gwen, and his mother and Gaius beaming in the front of the hall. He saw his mother yelling._

_“Long live the Queen!” She was the first and the loudest. Suddenly all the flashes slowed down and he saw his mother cleaning Arthur’s armour in Arthur’s chambers. She was scrubbing away, looking like a boy, as she always did. She had perfected her illusion spells. She always looked like a boy when others could see her. She had just finished polishing the last piece when Arthur came storming into the room. Merlin looked up at him._

_“Arthur? What’s wrong?” Merlin asked. Arthur looked at Merlin and before she could speak, Arthur had pinned Merlin against the wall. Arthur’s eyes were black and Mordred knew there was some evil enchantment over him. “Ar-Arthur? Wha-what are you doing?” Merlin choked out. She was trying to escape the bruising hold Arthur had on her throat. Arthur glared at her._

_“I’m doing what I want.” Arthur replied coldly. His voice didn’t even sound the same._

_“Arthur please?” Merlin pleaded. She could barely choke out the words. “Arthur what’s wrong with you?” Merlin pleaded. She could see the enchantment. That was when Arthur leaned forward and smashed his lips against Merlin’s violently. She tried to struggle free. Arthur was hurting her and she wanted to stop this before it went too far. She beat at Arthur’s chest with her hands until he finally let her go. “Arthur what are you doing? What about Gwen? She’s your wife! Would you break her heart for this?” Merlin gasped out._

_“Shut up.” Arthur replied. Merlin heard the magic behind this and knew this was not Arthur, at least not the Arthur she knew. Arthur kept hold of Merlin and pulled a knife from the sword belt at his side. He sliced at her breeches, cutting them open, as well as cutting her legs. The nasty slices bled freely, leaving blood on the ground and on Arthur’s clothing._

_“Arthur what are you doing? Stop!” Merlin yelled. But Arthur wasn’t listening to her. This wasn’t the Arthur she knew. “Arthur if you’re in there you have to stop. Please Arthur.” Merlin pleaded. But there was nothing she could do. If she used her magic she would hurt Arthur and she couldn’t hurt someone she cared for when they had no control over their actions. It was there, pressed up against that wall, that Merlin was raped by the one person she thought she could trust above all others. Mordred cried bitter tears realising he had just seen the moment of his conception._

  
_Mordred then flashed to later on, as he saw Merlin sat on her bed, in her old room in Camelot. She had been crying. Gaius was there._

_“Why did he hurt me Gaius? I’ve loved him like a brother and he...” Merlin trailed off._

_“He was not himself Merlin. He was under a spell my girl. Arthur would never have done this to you if he had a choice.” Gaius said softly._

_“I know that Gaius, but it doesn’t matter. He raped me. How can I stay here and pretend everything is alright?” Merlin asked._

_“It wasn’t him. He doesn’t even remember that you’re a woman. He knows someone was hurt in his room while he was enchanted and he can’t forgive himself. He doesn’t remember what happened.” Gaius replied. Merlin took a deep breath._

_“It has to stay that way Gaius. It has to. No one can ever know. That’s the only way I can stay here. Arthur can never know I’m a girl, or what he did to me. You must swear you will never reveal the truth.” Merlin said._

_“I promise you Merlin. I will do everything I can to protect your secret, as I always have done.” Gaius replied._

  
_Then more flashes came to him. He saw his mother vomiting into a bucket. Gaius rubbing her back gently._

_“What am I going to do Gaius? How am I going to hide a baby?” Merlin pleaded._

_“We’ll find a way my girl.” Gaius replied._

_“Arthur will know.” Merlin sobbed._

_“How? He thinks you’re a boy.” Gaius replied softly. “Maybe you can take the child to Ealdor.” Gaius suggested._

_“No! I’ve given up enough for Arthur, even my very identity. I will not give up my child. This child will grow up loved and protected by me. Please Gaius. I can’t give up my child. He or she needs me. What if they have my magic Gaius? They’ll need me to help them learn to control it. I can’t abandon my child.” Merlin stated. Gaius nodded._

_“I understand Merlin. We will find a way. Everything will be well again.” Gaius said._

  
_Mordred then seemed to flash forward. His mother was lying in her bed, a hand resting on her swollen stomach. She was heavily pregnant with him. Mordred saw her rubbing her stomach gently._

_“Soon I’ll get to see your little face my baby. You’ll always be loved. I promise.” Merlin told her stomach. She smiled as Gaius walked into the room._

_“Merlin? I thought I heard you talking.” Gaius said._

_“I was talking to the baby.” Merlin replied._

_“Have you thought of any names?” Gaius asked._

_“For a girl, Freya, and for a boy, Mordred.” Merlin replied. “I can’t name him Balinor. That would raise too many suspicions. But mother told me, my father told her that his father’s name was Mordred. I think... I think my father would have liked it.” Merlin said gently._

_“I’m afraid Arthur is looking for you Merlin.” Gaius said gently. Merlin nodded and after a few muttered words of magic, Merlin’s face and body changed. She was no longer a pregnant girl, but a skinny boy. The same illusion she had used to make herself look male all the time was helping her hide her pregnancy._  
 

_Mordred then flashed to seeing his mother lying on a bed screaming in pain. Gaius was there with an older woman. A storm was raging outside, seemingly keeping Merlin’s screams a secret, for the lightning and thunder and rain were too loud for anyone who was outside the room to hear what was going on inside._

_“I don’t know if I can do this.” Merlin breathed out._

_“You can dear girl.” The old woman said. Mordred saw his birth. Then he saw his mother’s face change from an expression of pain to one of pure joy as Gaius handed her the small bundle that Mordred knew was him._

_“It’s a boy.” Gaius said sombrely. The old woman smiled at them._

_“Look at him. He’s so perfect.” Merlin said softly. She looked down at him with such love that it broke Mordred’s heart. How Mordred wished he could do more than see. He wanted to hug his mother._

_“I need to leave.” The old woman said._

_“I know. Thank you Alice. I know you risked everything to come here and help me. I’ll never forget it.” Merlin said._

_“You don’t need to thank me. You’ve done what you thought was right for so long. You even stopped me killing Uther and that was the right thing to do. You’ve saved so many, including Gaius. How could I not help you the one time you needed my help?” Alice said kindly. Merlin smiled at her gently. Her eyes sparkled._

_“Still, I won’t forget Alice. Thank you.” Merlin said._  
 

_Mordred then saw Merlin, looking like a man, changing Mordred’s diaper. That was when Arthur walked in._

_“Merlin? Is that a baby?” Arthur asked. Merlin looked at Arthur and nodded._

_“Yes... I... found him... abandoned. Gaius and I talked about it and I’ve decided to take him in.” Merlin stated. Arthur looked thoroughly confused._

_“Well Merlin, I always knew you were a girl. So my best friend is now a father.” Arthur said, laughing after a few moments. “Do you mind?” Arthur asked, holding his arms out. Merlin didn’t hesitate. She placed Mordred in his arms. Mordred’s own heart stopped as he watched the memory. Arthur was holding his unknown son in his arms for the first time. “What’s his name?” Arthur asked._

_“Mordred.” Merlin replied._

_“Interesting name. Well Mordred, I will be your Uncle Arthur, and seeing as Merlin is useless at sword fighting, I’ll teach you all about it. I’m sure when your Auntie Gwen has a baby, you will be best friends just like your father and I.” Arthur said to the baby. The baby gurgled and stared up at Arthur. Arthur smiled down at him and then handed him back over to Merlin. “He’s cute. He... he looks a lot like how I imagine you looked as a baby.” Arthur said. Almost as though he weren’t thinking about what he was saying._

_“Are you saying I’m cute?” Merlin asked._

_“No! Of course not. But you must have been a cute baby. Gwen’s always saying that you’re sweet and that all babies are cute.” Arthur blustered. Then he left. Merlin cradled Mordred close as Gaius came out of Merlin’s room._

_“Merlin? Are you alright?” Gaius asked. Merlin nodded._

_“He’ll never know that that was the moment he held his own son. He and Gwen will have many children, children he’ll know as his own, and he’ll never know that this was the moment he held his first born.” Merlin said softly, a tear dripped down her face and landed on Mordred’s cheek. The baby started crying._  
 

_Mordred saw flashes of his life through his mother’s eyes. He saw when he said his first word, took his first step, and the joy it bought to his mother. Then he saw the moment that he, at the age of two, created a little orb of light in his small hands, and showed it to his mother. Merlin looked shocked._

_“Mordred, you must never show anyone this. Our powers are a special secret, just for you and me and Grandpa Gaius. You must never show anyone else.” Merlin said softly. The two year old Mordred nodded his understanding. Then Mordred saw other moments, moments he had spent with Arthur, as well as Merlin. Then when he’d reached his third year, in his mother’s memories, he saw the day that Gwen burst into Merlin’s chambers._

_“Merlin! I’m pregnant!” Gwen exclaimed._

_“I’m so happy for you Gwen.” Merlin said, her face carried a kind smile, but her eyes held a deep sadness. Mordred saw flashes of Merlin helping Gwen to choose fabrics, to make clothing for her new child. He was sat there too, in Merlin’s lap._

_“Mama! Hungry!” Mordred looked at his smaller self as Gwen giggled._

_“It’s so strange that he calls you mother, considering you’re a boy.” Gwen said. Merlin smiled._

_“He doesn’t know any better.” Merlin replied. Gwen smiled as she stroked little Mordred’s hair._

_“He looks so much like you Merlin. It’s strange but sometimes I look at him and I think he looks like Arthur. It’s silly isn’t it?” Gwen said. Merlin nodded, smiling, and Mordred knew what his mother was thinking. Gwen would never know how close to the truth she actually was._   
  


_Then Mordred was in the great hall, and he saw his mother holding his three year old self. Gwen and Arthur were making the announcement of Gwen’s pregnancy, and Merlin and the Knights were all at the front of the hall. Mordred saw his younger self clapping and beaming with everyone else. Merlin clapped awkwardly as she held her son, and smiled, and she was the first to say “Long Live King Arthur and Queen Guinevere.” Her voice strong and proud. Then Mordred was in Arthur’s chambers. Merlin was putting things away for the night. That was when Arthur arrived. Arthur looked over to the wall, it was the same wall he’d pressed Merlin against, and caused her more pain then he would ever know. Merlin was about to leave when Arthur stopped her._

_“Merlin?” Merlin looked back at Arthur. “I can’t remember what happened that day. I was enchanted and it was thanks to you that the enchantment was lifted. You and Gaius found a way to save me. But I don’t remember what happened while I was enchanted. I woke up and I saw blood on my clothing and the floor. I hurt someone Merlin. It’s been nearly four years and I don’t know who I hurt, how badly, I could’ve killed someone for all I know.” Arthur said sadly._

_“I’m sure you didn’t kill anyone Arthur. If you had someone would have been reported missing. I’m sure if you hurt someone, somebody would have come forward. For all you know, you went hunting in the forest and killed an animal. You don’t know, so stop torturing yourself. I’m sure whoever or whatever you may have hurt, forgave you long ago.” Merlin replied. It was true, Merlin had forgiven Arthur. She knew it wasn’t his fault. It had taken her awhile, but she had recalled forgiving him the day Mordred celebrated his first birthday. Whatever pain she had suffered, Mordred was her life and she wouldn’t wish him gone._

_“You’re too forgiving Merlin. I’m far from perfect. I wish I knew what I’d done. At least I’d be able to get what I might have done out of my head.” Arthur said sadly._

_“You’re supposed to be happy Arthur. You and Gwen are having a baby.” Merlin said. Arthur smiled._

_“I’ve always been able to count on you Merlin. Always.” Arthur said. Merlin nodded._

_“Good night Arthur.” Merlin said kindly. She walked towards the door._

_“Good night Merlin.” Arthur said. Merlin nodded to him as she left the room, closing the door behind her._   
  


_There were more flashes of Mordred spending time with Merlin, with Arthur, with Gwen and all the Knights. Then he saw the great hall filled with people celebrating. Gwen’s stomach was large, and Mordred wondered why he had never seen the baby. He saw his younger self run over to Arthur and Gwen._

_“Auntie Gwen! Feel?” Mordred’s younger self asked. Gwen smiled and picked him up. He barely fit on her lap with her large stomach, and then Gwen took his small self’s hand and placed it on her stomach. Mordred remembered this vaguely. He had felt the baby kicking. “Mine? My brother!” Little Mordred had stated. Merlin’s heart had stopped._

_“If you like Mordred. But it might be a girl.” Arthur said, as he lifted the boy into the air. He giggled and squealed as Arthur tossed him up into the air and sat him on his lap._

_“No girls! Brother!” Little Mordred stated. He was certain. Merlin shivered. She had been woken that morning by her son shaking her shoulder to tell her he dreamed of the baby. The baby that would be a boy they called Elyan. “It will be my brother. I will play with him and tell him about Knights, like Uncle Arthur tells me.” Mordred had told her. Merlin realised then that Mordred had the sight. It was a rare occurrence in children, but it happened. But it was Mordred calling the baby his brother that frightened Merlin. If Arthur should ever guess the truth Mordred spoke, she would have to explain things that she couldn’t. But Arthur hadn’t seemed concerned. Merlin wasn’t surprised. Children often insisted on things that weren’t possible. Even though Merlin knew this was true, Arthur had no reason to think Mordred calling his child, brother, was anything more than a child’s fancy. It was after Merlin had put Mordred to bed that it happened. Morgana had burst into the hall. Her magic was getting stronger. The Knights and Arthur jumped to their feet, as well as all the guards running to stand in place. Morgana merely laughed at them._

_“What do you want here Morgana?” Arthur asked. Fiery anger laced his voice._

_“Why, my dear brother, I just wanted to offer my congratulations to you and your wife. It’s not every day the family gets bigger.” Morgana said coldly. Then she held out a hand, and before Merlin could stop her, she had blasted a spell at Gwen, who was thrown into the pillar behind her._

_“Guinevere!” Arthur yelled fearfully as he knelt by her side, she was unconscious, and her body trembled. It took barely a minute for them to notice the blood. There was blood staining Gwen’s dress. So much blood only meant one thing. Morgana smirked as Merlin looked at her._

_“Guinevere will never give birth to a living child.” Morgana stated. Then she was gone._

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred shook as he remembered gaining his mother’s memories of that day. The horror was not over however, for Mordred had seen more, much more than he ever wanted to.


	3. Chapter 3

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 3.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_“_ _Tell them all I know now,_

_Shout it from the roof tops,_

_Write it on the sky line,_

_All we had is gone now,_

_Tell them I was happy,_

_And my heart is broken,_

_All my scars are open,_

_Tell them what I hoped would be,_

_Impossible......_ _” Impossible – James Arthur_

 

Mordred hated to recall those memories of his mother’s. The memories that showed Gwen’s pain, and his mother’s and Arthur’s so acutely that Mordred felt it all within his soul.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Arthur picked Gwen up, and with Merlin and Gaius, rushed to Arthur’s chambers. Mordred saw as Gaius had to send Arthur out of the room, he saw Arthur’s panicked face, and his mother’s horror. He then saw Gaius look at Merlin._

_“The baby is dead Merlin. There is no heartbeat. With this amount of bleeding I will have to remove her womb or she will die. Morgana never spoke a truer word. Gwen will never give birth to a living child.” Gaius said sadly. Mordred saw them operate on Gwen, saw them remove the dead baby from Gwen’s stomach, and then saw Merlin trying to heal Gwen. But no magical spell could save Gwen’s womb. The force with which Gwen had been thrown had broken the baby’s neck within the womb, and Gwen’s stomach was so badly damaged that if they didn’t remove her womb, as Gaius had predicted, Gwen would die. Merlin used her magic to make sure that Gwen suffered no infections, and to make sure that everything else was alright, but Merlin’s magic couldn’t heal the damage that had already been done._

_“It was a boy.” Merlin whispered. Her voice was cracking as she tried not to cry._

_“Mordred told you it would be.” Gaius replied sadly._

_“He’s so tiny and perfect, just like Mordred was. How could Morgana do this? This child was innocent. There was a time she cared about the innocent.” Merlin said brokenly. Tears were escaping her eyelids, despite her best efforts to control it._

_“Merlin this should prove to you that she doesn’t care for anything any longer.” Gaius replied, as Merlin cleaned the dead child and wrapped him in a white blanket. Her hands shaking all the while._

_“How can I tell them their child is dead?” Merlin whispered. Gaius shook his head at her._

_“No Merlin, I will be the one to tell them. You go and be with Mordred. You did everything you could.” Gaius said gently. Merlin left the room, looking at Arthur with such sadness. Then she was gone after informing him that Gwen would live and that Gaius would explain. This was the one time Merlin could not face Arthur, knowing she still had her son and Gwen and Arthur had lost their own._   
  


_Then there was another flash and Mordred saw Gwen sat with his mother in Arthur’s chambers. Merlin was comforting Gwen, or at least trying to._

_“I will never have a child. Morgana took that away from me.” Gwen said sadly. “She killed my unborn son and took away my hope of ever having a child of my own.” Gwen sobbed._

_“I’m so sorry Gwen. If I could fix it I would. I swear I would.” Merlin said. It was later on when Gaius and Merlin were sat in Gaius’ chambers that Merlin sobbed on Gaius’ shoulder._

_“Merlin this isn’t your fault.” Gaius said gently._

_“Why couldn’t I stop her? How could Morgana do this to Gwen? She wanted that baby so much Gaius!” Merlin sobbed out._

_“Merlin you realise that this makes Mordred Arthur’s only heir.” Gaius said. Merlin’s eyes went wide. She looked at Gaius in horror._

_“No! You swore you would never tell anyone Gaius. I can’t lose Mordred. He’s my son. No one ever needs to know any different.” Merlin replied. Gaius placed a hand on her shoulder._

_“I wouldn’t tell Arthur. To do that I would have to betray every secret you have. I’d have to tell him you were a woman, that you had magic. I can’t tell him. But I thought you should know. If Morgana were to ever learn the truth, Mordred would be in danger. She would kill him.” Gaius told Merlin. Merlin wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn’t. She had to be strong, for her son._   
  


_More flashes came to him. He was riding on a horse in front of Arthur, he was learning how to read from Gwen, all while his mother looked on. Then he got to the last day of his mother’s life. He got to that day, and that moment. She had run in, gotten him and sent him into the forest to hide, and then she had gone back. She had gone back for Gwen and Arthur, for Gaius, for the Knights who were her friends. She could never have abandoned them all, not even to make sure her son grew up with his mother. She crept back into the castle and then made her way to the throne room. She saw Morgana before she could make it to the throne room, and the last thing she saw before she blacked out was Morgana’s smirking face as Merlin was thrown into a wall and knocked unconscious._

_When Merlin awoke, she found herself tied up next to Arthur and Gwen, along with the Knights._

_“What a shame. Usually I have a bit more of a fight, but then again, usually our dear little Merlin doesn’t have a child she wants to protect. Where is your son Merlin? Mordred is it?” Morgana said, as she slouched on the throne._

_“I think you’ve lost your mind Morgana. Merlin is a man not a woman.” Arthur stated. Morgana arched a brow and smirked. Then she looked at Merlin. She muttered a few arcane words, and Merlin knew they were the reversal for the illusionary transformation spell that Merlin had used to hide her gender since she got to Camelot. All of a sudden she was a short haired girl. Her features softened and her curves filled out. Everyone stared in shock._

_“Have you always hidden the fact you were a girl from the start Merlin? I was shocked when I realised it myself. But you were clever. Even when I used that dark enchantment on Arthur, you never hurt him. You could have. You could have stopped what he did to you, but you refused to hurt him because he was under a spell. You’re so naïve.” Morgana stated. Merlin glared._

_“Shut your mouth Morgana.” Merlin hissed._

_“What the hell is she taking about Merlin? How the hell are you now a woman?” Arthur asked. Gwen stared._

_“I can tell you Arthur. She was_ born _with magic. I tracked down Alator of the Catha, Merlin. I killed him. The first person of magic to ever swear fealty to you and your cause. I tracked him down and I killed him after finding out about his apprentice. She knew every secret of yours that he carried, and taking them from her was far easier then breaking the spirit of a Catha. You were born with such power, and yet you sat there and pretended to be a servant boy, and saved Arthur’s life over and over again. You made sure that he didn’t die on so many occasions, and you risked your life, for someone that would kill you. Why Merlin? Why betray your own kind?” Morgana asked._

_“Better to serve a good man then rule with an evil one. I told Sigan that before I killed him, Morgana and I will say it to you too. I’d rather die here, at the side of friends, the people I love and care for, then to be a ruler. I never wanted that. I wanted to protect those I love. You have no idea what that means.” Merlin replied. Morgana smirked._

_“Did you know Arthur? Did you remember anything that happened after I used that Dark Mind Enchantment on you? Merlin does. She always will. She has a_ permanent _reminder. Don’t you Merlin?” Morgana stated. Arthur looked at Merlin wide eyed._

_“Merlin what is she talking about?” Arthur asked. Gwen stared at Merlin and she could see the sadness in her eyes._

_“She’s talking about Mordred isn’t she Merlin? Mordred is Arthur’s son.” Gwen said softly. Merlin looked away from them all and stared at the ground, her body trembled with the need to cry, but she wouldn’t give Morgana the satisfaction._

_“Merlin? Is that true?” Arthur asked. Merlin bit hard on her lip until it bled She was shaking as she knew everything she had worked for, for all these years was about to fall apart around her. “Merlin tell me!” Arthur yelled._

_“It’s true, dear brother. Once I found out she was a girl, I wanted to see how far she would go to protect you. She even protected you from her own magic. She could have killed you. But she didn’t. She didn’t protect herself and you raped her. Poor girl, she’s been carrying that knowledge around for over six years. She gave birth to a child and never let a soul know. She had loved you as a brother, forsaken her own identity, and_ all for you. _She did it all to protect_ you, _to save you and make you the great King you were meant to be, and_ you _were the one to betray her in the end. No amount of spells can ever make up for that.” Morgana said._

_“Shut up Morgana.” Merlin hissed. She looked at Arthur. “I’m sorry Arthur. I didn’t tell you because you didn’t need to know. You don’t remember and I wanted it left that way. I didn’t want you to have to suffer with the knowledge that...” Merlin trailed off._

_“It’s true? Mordred is my son, and he exists because I forced myself on you?” Arthur said sadly. Merlin looked down at the floor and then back at Arthur._

_“I forgave you a long time ago Arthur. You are my friend and I always... I looked at you as a brother. You wouldn’t have... you would never have purposely... done what you did. That wasn’t you. It was Morgana’s dark enchantment. I knew that. I’ll admit it took me time to forgive you, but I did forgive you.” Merlin said gently._

_“It doesn’t matter that she forgives you or that you forgive her. Your lives will be over soon enough, as soon as I know where my sweet little nephew is.” Morgana stated._

_“I’ll never tell you where he is Morgana. You should know that. You should also know that I didn’t tell anyone else where I sent him. He will be safe from you. He will grow up loved and protected and there is nothing you can do to change that.” Merlin replied. Morgana laughed._

_“I’ll find a way Merlin. I will find my brother’s heir, just as I found out when Gwen was pregnant. I will find the little brat and I will make sure he dies. I won’t allow him to grow to manhood. I will kill him. I hope that you realise that before you die.” Morgana stated. She took Excalibur from the side of the throne, where she had left it after taking it from Arthur, obviously, and ran Merlin through. Merlin gasped out in pain. “How fitting that I should kill you with Arthur’s sword.” Morgana said cruelly. “Arthur’s sword, that should have protected you, and I will use it to kill you all, but you first Merlin. It was always going to be you first. You’ll never see your son again. You’ll never save the King and Queen that you love so much. The friends you care for beyond all reason. You’ll die with the knowledge that I’m going to kill them all, slowly and painfully, and there will be nothing you can do about it.” Morgana stated coldly. Then she had the guards drag everyone from the throne room and left Merlin to bleed to death. Arthur and Gwen yelled her name, Gaius wept bitter tears. Leon struggled against the bonds that restrained him, as the guards dragged them away. He saw his mother’s last moments, and then he was back in his own body. While he had been seeing his mother’s memories, he had been immune to all the pain she was feeling, but as soon as he was back in his own body he collapsed to his knees, the weight of all that pain and all those emotions was too much for him to bear._

_Mordred had hated Morgana more than anything in the world then. She had taken his mother and his father from him. She had taken almost everyone he loved. It was when Kilgarrah had given Mordred the gift of his mother’s memories that he told Mordred what he wanted him to do._

_“You can change all of this Mordred. You can travel back, and you can change their fates. Of course there are things you cannot change, I’m sure you understand, but you can change their deaths. You can stop Morgana from taking Queen Guinevere’s child. You can change many things Mordred. If you travel back. That is the only way you can stop this from happening._

_“How do I do that?” Mordred asked._

_“It is a spell I can use. But once I have done it, you will not be able to return. You will have to see it through to the end.” Kilgarrah replied. Freya looked at Mordred sadly._

_“I have to do it. I can save my family if I do this. I can save you all.” Mordred said softly._

_“I will miss you terribly. But you will save us all Mordred.” Freya said gently. Mordred nodded his understanding._

_“What else do I need to know?” Mordred asked._

_“You will reverse in age to about seven years old. You will retain all your memories, everything you know, but your body will be that of a seven year old. I will send you back to when your mother first arrived in Camelot. It gives you time to come of age. By the time Arthur becomes King, you will be a man. You must ingratiate yourself with Arthur, and you must gain Merlin’s trust, for I know that my younger self will not remember you and will tell her you are a danger. Just the fact that you will travel back in time will change things slightly. But you will know when Queen Guinevere becomes pregnant. You will know when King Arthur is under the Dark Mind Enchantment. But you must allow things to run their course, or you will never exist. If you do not exist you cannot return to change things. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do Mordred. You must walk away knowing that your mother is about to be harmed. But walk away you must or you will never exist.” Kilgarrah told Mordred. Mordred nodded his understanding. He would do this. For his mother, for Arthur, for Gwen and all those people Morgana murdered. He would do this._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

How Mordred wished he could go back to his home and his childhood. He wished for it so much sometimes that his heart ached. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave his mother again. He’d worked too hard to get back to her. He couldn’t leave her. He couldn’t. No matter what happened now, Mordred would stay with her, always, until death parted them again. Only this time, Mordred was determined he would go first. He wouldn’t let his mother die in front of his eyes again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've taken ages to update. I'm sorry. I'm much further ahead on this story on FF.Net. But I intend to catch up. LOL! Thanks to everyone who read and commented and sent me Kudos. I am extremely grateful.

History is What You Make It.

Chapter 4.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

_“I blame you for the moonlit sky,_

_And the dreams that died with the Eagle’s flight,_

_I blame you for the moonlit nights,_

_When I wonder why are the seas still dry?_

_Don’t blame this sleeping satellite.” Sleeping Satellite – Tamsin Archer_

 

Mordred had seen Arthur this morning. Arthur had snapped at him and was looking for Merlin. It was just before he turned away, that Mordred saw his eyes. They were black as pitch. Mordred knew today was the day, the day of his terrible conception. This day would cause his mother terrible pain, and Mordred knew this was the conundrum he’d had to face for the past ten years since he’d learned the truth. There was one person Mordred could talk to about this, but it would be impossible. Mordred had not tried to use his Dragonlord power since he had arrived in the past. He wasn’t sure that he could with his mother being alive. He wanted to do something. He decided that he would go to the old clearing and he would try to call for Kilgarrah. He needed the old Dragon’s counsel, and he needed to know if he could use his Dragonlord power still. Mordred headed off, telling the other Knights he was going for a walk to clear his mind. He made it to the clearing and then, looked deep within himself as he called out towards Kilgarrah. He felt that ancient power that had passed from his mother to him, flaring within, and he felt Kilgarrah respond. When Kilgarrah arrived, the old dragon seemed surprised to see him.

“You are a Dragonlord, but my allegiance belongs to Merlin. Should you try to take control of me for Morgana, he will free me.” Kilgarrah stated.

“I’m not working for Morgana, Kilgarrah. Also I know Merlin is a woman. I know that you know that too. I know that you think I’m a threat, but I’m not, I’m here to help. I also know you don’t believe that, but you know how to look into my mind and see the truth. You used that same power to bring me here. Your older self did anyway.” Mordred replied. Kilgarrah seemed disturbed.

“You are saying you came from the future?” Kilgarrah asked.

“Yes. It was you who helped me to get here. You can see into my mind, read my thoughts and you will know who I am and why I’m here.” Mordred almost pleaded. He needed someone to confide in, especially today. Kilgarrah looked at the young man standing in front of him. Then, Kilgarrah exhaled his magical flame over Mordred, seeing the boy’s life and the troubles of the future. He saw himself giving Mordred memories of his mother’s, then he saw himself, older and wiser, telling the boy he still had a chance to save his mother.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Mordred was prepared to leave. In the pack he carried was his mother’s old spell book, his old green cloak and some clothing saved from his childhood, as well as a pair of old boots, and one of his mother’s neckerchiefs. Mordred also had a small wooden dragon on a cord around his neck. His mother had told him that his grandfather had carved it for her when they met._

_“Will this hurt me?” Mordred asked. Kilgarrah nodded._

_“It will. You will effectively grow younger rather than older. Your body will shrink and your muscles and bones will contract. This will be painful boy. But it is the only way.” Kilgarrah told him. Mordred nodded, mentally preparing himself for the pain he would face. Again, Kilgarrah exhaled over Mordred, a flame of a pure blue, like the orbs of light Mordred had made with his mother in the forest when he was a small child. It felt like everything and nothing all in one instant, and he looked at Freya, as everything started fading away._

_“I’ll miss you Freya.” Mordred said._

_“I will miss you too little one.” She said sadly._

_“I’ll do everything I can to be worthy of this gift Kilgarrah.” Mordred called to the dragon._

_“I know you will young Dragonlord. Good luck.” Mordred heard Kilgarrah say, before the world faded around him. Everything changed and all Mordred saw were blue magic particles, glittering in the darkness. Suddenly Mordred was gripped with a horrible pain. Every nerve ending was on fire as Mordred reverse aged. He looked down at his hands, that started to shrink, and he could feel his bones growing smaller. It wasn’t a quick process, at least it didn’t feel that way. It took what felt like forever and Mordred was in searing agony for every moment. That was until it finally stopped. Mordred found himself beside the lake, standing on the same rock, but his clothes were literally falling from his body. He trembled as he removed the clothing and pulled on the familiar clothing of his childhood. Black breeches, a cream coloured shirt, his tan boots, and his familiar green cloak. It was the same cloak that his mother had thrown around his shoulders so long ago and it was like greeting an old friend when he made sure it was fastened securely around his neck. He threw his old clothing into the pack, hiding his mother’s spell book underneath so no one would ever see it and make the connection. Mordred took a deep breath as he walked over to the edge of the lake and looked at his reflection. He was a child once again, but he still held all those features that reminded him of his mother. He still had her face and chin, her eyes and her mop of hair, though it had been lightened to brown with the mix of his father’s blond hair. He had Arthur’s nose and ears and he knew when he was older he would have Arthur’s build, tempered by his mother’s skinny frame. He had his mother’s hands, long and elegant, rather than large and rough. Mordred had never thought to think of the similarities he bore to both of his parents. It was now, now that he had the time to look at himself that he could see it. Mordred knew that he needed to find protection. He needed somewhere to go. After all, as a child he didn’t have the strength to fight off any bandits or slave traders unless he used magic. That wasn’t an option if he wanted to stick close to Camelot. That was when he thought of the Druids. They were peaceful people and often took in children of a magical affiliation. He never needed to let anyone know who his parents were, at least not until it was the right time._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_When Mordred found a Druid camp, he was relieved. He’d been ducking and hiding for three days. He was tired but he hadn’t slept. Sleeping would have involved resting and nowhere was really safe. Mordred couldn’t take any chances with his parent’s lives. It was when Mordred got to the Druid camp that he finally collapsed, knowing he was safe from harm._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_A year later, Mordred had integrated well with the rest of the Druids and now had a Druid Guardian teaching him. Mordred knew plenty but there were many things Mordred could learn from Cerdan. Cerdan was a Druid healer, who knew herbs and healing spells that Mordred had never been told about. Today, Mordred was walking with Cerdan to Camelot. He desperately wanted to go and see his mother, but of course he couldn’t. Walking through the market place Mordred had taken note of his Auntie Gwen. She was a servant now, just like his mother, but she still had that kind smile on her face as someone called out to her from the smithy. That was when Mordred realised that this was Gwen’s father. The man had not been killed yet. This could mean that his mother had not yet arrived in Camelot. As he thought this, he spotted her hefting a bucket near the water pump. Mordred wanted to reach out to her. He wanted to run over and hug her desperately but he didn’t, he couldn’t. Cerdan led him towards a market stall where a man sold herbs, and it was as the man handed over the herbs that Mordred noticed them, Camelot guards. Mordred’s eyes went wide._

_“I’m sorry.” The man told them. Cerdan looked at the guards and then at Mordred. He grabbed hold of his hand tightly and they were running. It was when he felt a sharp fiery pain across his arm that he realised he’d been cut by a guard’s sword. He’d cried out without even realising it. But it was when they were near the gates to the citadel that Cerdan knelt next to him. The gates were closing._

_“Run Mordred. Run.” Cerdan had told him. Mordred had run, though he had turned back to see Cerdan fighting Camelot guards, giving him time to escape as the gates closed. Mordred had run until he found somewhere to hide near the castle. But Mordred didn’t know who to trust. He needed help and there was no help. That was when he saw her. His mother, Merlin, walking down the castle steps, looking like a man, but Mordred knew Merlin would never turn a child in to the guards. He reached out with his mind._

“Help me.” _Merlin turned to look at him. It was that moment that Mordred had met his mother again._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Mordred had managed to escape two weeks later. He’d been helped by Arthur and Merlin, and strangely Morgana. It was then that Mordred thought he could help Morgana. Maybe if she was given a chance to find out about her magic and if she were given the opportunity to make the right choice he could lead her to the path of goodness. It might mean that he didn’t exist, but if that spared the people he loved then none of that mattered._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Another year later, Mordred bit his lip as he recalled the last few days. He had seen Morgana carried into the Druid camp he now stayed in. Aglain had told Morgana the truth about her gifts, and it was as he did this, that Mordred saw something in Morgana change. He knew that he hadn’t helped Morgana. He had made the problem worse. She would be afraid for the rest of her life, worried that Uther would kill her. Mordred felt the pain acutely, wishing he could change Uther Pendragon. The man was his grandfather, though he would never know it and never acknowledge it. Mordred sighed as he thought about what he had done. He wasn’t sure if he could ever make all of this right. All he knew was that he had to try. The burden was firmly on his shoulders, and his shoulders alone._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Six months later, Mordred had been the one to suggest getting the stone. Now he wished he hadn’t. He had been so angry, his childish emotions getting the better of him. He had found that as he was growing again that sometimes he couldn’t control himself. It was at this point that his mother had betrayed him, not knowing who he was and he had called to her in his mind._

“I will never forget this Emrys, and I will never forgive!”

_He had called it but he hadn’t meant it, for he would forgive her anything. His mother had no idea who he was and he couldn’t tell her. So the fact she had betrayed him should not have hurt him so much, but it did. It hurt him more than anything, seeing the look on her face. That horrified look as he killed two Camelot soldiers with two spears of wood and his magic. If only she knew how old he was mentally. Who knew what she was thinking when she saw a nine year old boy kill two full grown men with no remorse. Mordred had cried bitter tears that night, thinking that his mother was more convinced of him being evil then she had ever been before._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Eight years had passed, and Mordred had left the Druid camps and started searching out a way to ingratiate himself into Camelot. Arthur and Gwen had married three years ago, and Mordred knew he had to make his move soon. If he could not ingratiate himself within Camelot he couldn’t stop what Morgana would do. He wasn’t even sure how far off his birth was from now. He knew that Gwen and Arthur had taken a long time to conceive a child, but Mordred had been born three years before that. Mordred wasn’t even sure if he had been born or not. Now Mordred was with a bunch of slave traders on the road to Ismere. He’d grown, become sixteen again, and he was stronger than he had been before. The world had made him tougher. He had learned. It was on the road to Ismere that he had met his parents again. King Arthur and Merlin. Mordred felt that familiar ache as he looked at his mother. It was an ache that curled around his heart because he couldn’t just reach out and embrace her. He insisted on the lives of the King and the servant belonging to Morgana, and the slave trader just grunted. He’d saved them for now, but what would he do when they reached the fortress of Ismere?_

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_It was strange to be recognised by Morgana. She seemed to truly care for him._

“If only she knew who I was.” _He thought to himself. Her hated brother’s hated offspring. He was the bastard heir that had been sent back in time to stop her from taking everyone’s happiness. If Morgana knew who he was, she would have killed him in an instant. Maybe not when they had first met, but she had been different then, now she would kill him. She would destroy him without any thought. Even now, she was determined to kill Arthur. She spoke of the idea as though it were a tantalising treat just out of her reach. Mordred stayed calm as a guard informed her something was wrong in the mines. Mordred went with her and was confronted with his mother being thrown into the cave wall by Morgana. It was that moment, when Morgana had Arthur pinned to the stone cave wall with a dagger that was floating against his throat, that Mordred picked up a sword and stabbed Morgana in the back. He also knew Morgana would recover even as they left the caverns. Even as he was knighted by his unknowing father, Mordred knew this wasn’t the last time he would see Morgana._

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

When Kilgarrah finally finished looking through Mordred’s memories he stared at the young man incredulously.

“Much has changed Mordred, son of Emrys and The Once and Future King.” Kilgarrah said softly.

“I did everything I could. I hoped I could change things by changing Morgana, but I think I’ve contributed to making it worse. Now I have to decide whether to allow my father to rape my mother or whether to stop it happening and thus stopping my own conception.” Mordred said sadly. Kilgarrah nodded his understanding.

“Young Dragonlord, Merlin wouldn’t want your existence gone. I will admit that I was wrong about you. I received strange visions that you would kill Arthur. But that may have been destiny’s way of accounting for your sudden appearance. My future self told you that things would change by you coming backwards in time. Destiny and fate spin a complicated web and when something appears that wasn’t in the original design, they try to explain it. This may be hard for you to understand and take in boy, but you cannot stop your own conception. Things would ultimately change for the worse. You would not be able to do what you came back to do. It may be painful, but you must not change the course of fate here. Your mother risked everything to keep you safe. She gave her life. Now you must show your appreciation of that sacrifice, though it will cost all of you pain.” Kilgarrah said sadly. Mordred nodded.

“I need to get back and make sure... make sure that no one disturbs them.” Mordred said softly. He felt a single tear drop roll down his cheek as he turned to head back to the castle.

“I’m truly sorry that you must make such a choice.” Mordred looked back over his shoulder at Kilgarrah.

“I’m sorry too. All I know is that this will haunt me for the rest of my days.” Mordred said sadly. He left the clearing to go back to the castle and invite the Knights to The Rising Sun for a drink. No one would go and disturb what would happen there. He also put the idea of a walk in Queen Guinevere’s head and suggested Gaius go with her. The Queen nodded and sought out Gaius, stating that the old man had been cooped up in his rooms for too long, and that he needed some fresh air.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Later that evening, Mordred was standing outside The Rising Sun, looking up at the castle, thinking dark thoughts when a hand clapped on his shoulder. Mordred saw it was Gwaine.

“What’s wrong with you lad? You should be inside drinking with us!” Gwaine exclaimed boisterously. Mordred plastered a smile on his face, though he knew if Gwaine were sober, the man would have noticed that Mordred was faking his joviality.

“I was just taking some air. I’ll come back in now.” Mordred replied. Gwaine nodded and led Mordred back into the tavern, where Mordred proceeded to drink as much as he could without passing out. He tried to block his mother’s memories of what happened on this night. The image of her curled on her bed crying, haunted him even as he drank more.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next day, Mordred knew the enchantment had been lifted. Arthur was asking about what had happened the day before, unsure of what he had done. He confided to Mordred about the blood he had found in his room.

“What did Merlin say?” Mordred asked. Arthur looked at him confused.

“What makes you think I would ask for Merlin’s opinion?” Arthur questioned back.

“Because he is your friend, no matter if he’s a servant. He’d know who has been in and out of your room too. Why not talk to him?” Mordred asked. Arthur frowned in concentration.

“I did talk to him. He said that no one has been reported missing, dead or injured since yesterday.” Arthur said honestly.

“That’s a good thing isn’t it? It may just mean that you went hunting for an animal.” Mordred said, trying to keep the truth from bubbling out of his mouth.

“That’s what Merlin said. Still... it seems wrong. I’ve got a bad feeling about it Mordred.” Arthur said sadly. Then he was gone and Mordred felt a strange tingle down his spine. Some things could not be changed, Arthur might very well find out the truth one day, but Mordred would not betray his mother. Arthur would never hear the truth from his lips.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred walked towards Gaius’ chambers two months later. He found himself standing in front of the door as he heard his mother vomiting and sobbing her heart out. He opened the door to find Gaius comforting her. She hadn’t as yet put up her transformation illusion, so she still looked like a woman. Both Gaius and Merlin looked up at Mordred in something akin to horror.

“We all need to talk.” Mordred said softly, closing and locking the door to Gaius’ chambers behind him. Merlin shot up looking at him in fear.

“Sir Mordred.” Gaius started.

“It’s alright Gaius. I always knew Merlin was a woman. I’ve never told anyone.” Mordred stated.

“You...... knew?” Merlin asked. She looked at him curiously.

“Gaius has just told you that you’re pregnant.” Mordred replied. Merlin’s eyes went wide.

“You were listening outside the door?” Merlin asked angrily.

“I only heard you being sick. I... I knew this was coming. I... I saw that Arthur was under a Dark Mind Enchantment spell two months ago and I knew what that meant.” Mordred said softly. Merlin looked angry.

“You could have told us! You should have told us! What the hell were you thinking? You have no idea-” Merlin was cut off when Mordred looked at her, with tears in his eyes.

“I know exactly what happened to you. If... I wanted to stop it. I truly did. It took every bit of willpower I ever possessed and a lot of alcohol to prevent me from stopping what Arthur did to you.” Mordred said.

“Why? Why would you...” Merlin trailed off.

“Because I’m that child Merlin. Or rather, I will be that child. The one that you’re carrying. You will give birth to a son... me. If I had... if I had interfered in what happened I would never have been born. Then I wouldn’t be able to do the things I came back here to do. Even if I had told you, as soon as I prevented my own conception you would have forgotten everything I told you because I would no longer exist. If I could have saved you the pain I would have.” Mordred said. His eyes were filled with tears, and as Merlin looked in to them she couldn’t help but realise the truth. The truth that Mordred was indeed her son.

“Why did I name you Mordred?” Merlin asked.

“You named me for my great grandfather, your father’s father, because if you had named me Balinor then people would have asked why. You wanted to keep me safe. Kilgarrah, the future Kilgarrah, gifted me your memories on my sixteenth birthday, and he gave me a choice Mother. I could come back in time, shrinking to age seven, a year before you got to Camelot, and give myself time to grow and protect you. Or I could have stayed with Kilgarrah and Freya, and lived with the knowledge that I could have come back to stop what I know will happen and didn’t.” Mordred replied.

“How can I know you’re telling me the truth?” Merlin asked.

“Just go and speak to Kilgarrah. I spoke to him two months ago, and that old dragon doesn’t trust anyone without reason.” Mordred replied.

“I... I can look into your memories... if you will allow me to.” Merlin said gently. Mordred nodded.

“Go ahead. You’ll see everything I saw, and everything I know. You’ll see the memories of yours that Kilgarrah gifted me too.” Mordred said.

“This is very dangerous Merlin, especially in your condition.” Gaius stated. Merlin smiled at Gaius.

“Either way, we need to know the truth. I’ll know for sure this way Gaius. Besides, it’s not dangerous, unless the person I cast the spell on is trying to hide something.” Merlin replied. Mordred sat and waited for Merlin to get started reading his memories.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

A few hours later, both Merlin and Mordred were exhausted, but now, Merlin knew for sure that Mordred was her own son. She held him in her arms, hugging him tightly and stroking his hair as he wept into her shoulder.

“I missed you so much.” Mordred whispered.

“I know my son. I know you did. You will never have to miss me again if I can help it.” Merlin whispered back soothingly. The scent of grass and wind and lavender filled Mordred’s nose, the familiar scent of his mother. Now, finally, Mordred wouldn’t be alone in this journey.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... here is the next chapter. LOL! I know I make you all wait too long for updates. I'm really sorry. (nods) Thanks to everyone who commented and sent me kudos. I really appreciate it. (nods) I hope you enjoy this chapter.

History is What You Make It.

Chapter 5.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

_“When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway_

_When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away_

_There's more to living than only surviving_

_Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying_

_Though you hear me, I don't think that you relate_

_My will is something that you can't confiscate_

_So forgive me, but I won't be frustrated_

_By destruction in your eyes as you’re staring at the sun.” Staring at the Sun – The Offsprings._

 

Mordred spent all his spare time with his mother. He often went to find things that she couldn’t possibly get. Merlin couldn’t just walk into the kitchens and ask for certain foods. The cooks would not only tell her to get out, thinking she was just being her usual cheeky self, but they might also think something was wrong or amiss, and Merlin, Mordred and Gaius had already agreed that this could not be the case. Mordred didn’t know how Morgana had found out about his heritage the first time around. He wanted to be prepared for anything. His mother was heavily pregnant at this stage and everything was dangerous, especially with her pretending to be a boy. There were things she wasn’t supposed to be doing, but she had no choice but to do them. Mordred would intervene wherever he could get away with it, and sometimes, even where he really shouldn’t have. He would convince the Knights to give Merlin a break and carry his own armour down to the training yard, which got the Knights feeling guilty and doing the same, so the only armour Merlin had to deal with was Arthur’s. Mordred would come to the stables and tell his mother to sit and rest while he did her work. She would, often wincing with the ache in her back from carrying an extra person. She often chatted away with Mordred as he worked, for it would look strange if the King’s manservant was running around elsewhere, while one of the King’s Knights was mucking out the stables. Mordred knew that Morgana had, in fact, taken over Gwen’s mind, and that soon, they would be going on a quest to the Cauldron of Arianrhod, in a bid to restore Gwen’s soul and will. He would follow Arthur and Merlin, knowing the reason behind their journey. He would make sure to follow at a safe distance, to make sure that should his help be needed, he would be able to give it.

“Mordred?” Mordred looked at his mother that evening. He had taken to spending evenings in Gaius’ chambers with Gaius and Merlin. Of course the Knights and Arthur asked questions, but Mordred just claimed to be learning medicine from Gaius, so that should the worst happen (both Merlin and Gaius being incapacitated or even killed) there would be someone that could perform medicine. Arthur thought it was a brilliant idea and encouraged it.

“Yes Mother?” Mordred asked.

“I know what you’re thinking. Don’t follow us to the Cauldron of Arianrhod. It’s dangerous and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Merlin told him seriously.

“What if something happens to you Mother? I’d be killed anyway. I might as well come with you and make sure that you’re safe. I’ll be in danger whether I stay in Camelot or follow you.” Mordred replied. Merlin sighed, knowing her son was as stubborn as both his parents. 

xXxXxXx THREE DAYS LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin was feeling the strain of carrying so much while Arthur carried Gwen. She wasn’t really concentrating on what he was saying when her foot stepped on crumbling earth, and before she could even yell, she had started to fall taking everything with her over the ledge beside them. It was almost like flying, as she fell, suspended in the air for what felt like an age, but Merlin knew could only be moments. The horror came to her when she thought about Mordred, her unborn child, and what the impact might do to her and the baby. That was when she hit the ground, and everything went black.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur was horrified when he realised Merlin had fallen. He looked awfully pale, lying at the bottom of the steep incline. He put down Guinevere and then made his way down the side of the incline, only to cause a minor rockslide, and knock himself out. He woke to find his arm trapped. He was frightened then. Not so much for himself, but for Merlin and Gwen, who were now depending on him. He struggled fruitlessly trying to free his arm, and just when he thought he would have to cut his arm off to free himself, he saw Mordred poke his face over the edge.

“Could you use a hand Sire?” Mordred asked.

“Is Guinevere alright?” Arthur called out, worried that she was awaking from her induced sleep.

“She’s asleep Sire.” Mordred replied. Arthur nodded, as he saw Mordred tie a rope somewhere and come down it to free him. The sun hit at a strange angle and for a moment, Mordred’s hair looked gold, rather than dark brown, and for an instant, Arthur could have sworn he was looking at a younger version of himself, but he quickly shook the thought from his mind, as Mordred shoved the rock pinning his arm down, far away.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred felt his gut clench. Merlin was heavily pregnant, the fall could easily set off an early labour. Or it was possible that Mordred was wrong. His birthday, his true birthday, was in two days. Still, if Merlin went into labour now, then her secret would be revealed. Mordred pulled Merlin on to his back, feeling the press of the baby bump against his chainmail. Merlin looked like a man, but that was as far as the illusion extended. It was pure luck that the illusion didn’t end until Merlin said the counter spell. Some illusion or control spells ended the moment the caster lost consciousness, thereby losing concentration. Merlin’s had to be reversed by counter spell. The problem with this, as Mordred knew from Merlin’s memories, was that if anyone knew what spell and counter spell Merlin had used, they could easily remove it themselves. Once Arthur had made it to the top, Mordred tied the rope around him and Merlin, and climbed, while Arthur pulled the rope. Now, all Mordred had to do was make sure Arthur didn’t find out Merlin’s secret.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

It had taken a little while for Merlin to regain consciousness, when she did, she looked pained. Her face scrunched up slightly, as she tried to keep the pain from Arthur. Mordred immediately knew what had happened. Mordred was not frightened for his own life. He was safe, so was his unborn self. But Merlin could very well die. As Arthur picked Gwen up and said they should keep moving, Mordred rested a hand on Merlin’s wrist where Arthur couldn’t see.

“Mother? What’s wrong?” Mordred whispered.

“The fall, it... it seems it’s moved you along.” Merlin whispered back.

“What do you mean?” Mordred asked.

“I think I’m going into early labour. I haven’t... my waters haven’t broken, but the contractions are close together. Once my waters break there will be nothing I can do.” Merlin whispered back. Mordred’s fist clenched as his worry mounted. Could Merlin do this? Could his mother save Guinevere while she was in labour? Would she be able to concentrate all her efforts on Gwen while she suffered pain? Merlin looked at Mordred carefully. “Listen to me Mordred, I... I planned for this. Not _quite_ this, but I researched a spell to slow down the process of labour should I go into labour early. I’ll still be in pain, but there will be no danger of me giving birth out here. The problem is that if I perform this spell it will leave me more drained then I already am. I’m going to need you to perform the spell.” Merlin whispered. Arthur, had as yet, not noticed they were still talking. He’d walked a little ahead, still carrying his wife. Mordred looked at his mother, as she put her hand into her pocket and handed him a piece of parchment, a spell delicately scribbled on it.

“What are you two doing? We’ve got to hurry!” Arthur called at them. He had turned around to see they were still in the same spot.

“Keep going Arthur. Mordred is just checking my ankle, I think I twisted it. Once he puts a poultice on it, we’ll catch you up.” Merlin said. Arthur nodded hesitantly as he turned around and carried on walking. Merlin sighed as he went out of sight. “Go on Mordred.” Merlin said gently. Mordred felt a wave of nervousness wash over him. If Arthur turned back and saw him performing magic, Arthur would kill him. If he didn’t do this, his mother would have to, and then she surely wouldn’t have the strength to save Gwen. He looked down at the spell and before he could change his mind, uttered the words. He felt the burn in his eyes as his magic reached his mother. Merlin smiled at him. “Well done. Now we have to get going.” Merlin said gently. Mordred nodded as he helped his mother to her feet. They headed quickly after Arthur, Mordred taking note that Merlin was wincing every so often, but they caught up quickly.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur felt confusion fill him. Merlin had never particularly trusted Mordred, but somehow, within the last eight months or so Merlin had grown closer to the boy. Arthur had taken a great deal of notice, when he saw that Mordred was helping Merlin with his chores. He also took note that Mordred was spending a lot of time with Merlin, beyond helping with his work. Arthur had often wondered why Merlin had never shown a particular interest in women, and it had occurred to him that perhaps Merlin was more interested in men. This wasn’t something that bothered Arthur, after all, Merlin had never made any passes at him or any of the other Knights as far as he knew, and if Arthur could have love with Guinevere, why shouldn’t Merlin have love with whoever he chose? Merlin was his best friend, and Arthur wouldn’t get in the way of his happiness. It also occurred to Arthur that it was entirely possible that Mordred and Merlin had some sort of relationship going on. Arthur wouldn’t judge if one of his best Knights and his closest friends, were embarking on a love affair. Merlin and Mordred both deserved to be happy. That was all Arthur cared about. So even though Arthur had wanted to stay behind to see if Merlin was alright, he had gone ahead, figuring that the pair wanted to exchange some words of endearment. If he were in their position he would have wanted to check Guinevere for himself as well. So he carried on ahead, giving them a little time to themselves. They would catch up, because Merlin always did.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

They were so close, despite Merlin’s pain, and Mordred having to support her, and Arthur carrying Gwen, they were undeniably close. That was the moment that they saw Aithusa swooping down from the sky. It was Merlin who told Arthur to keep going and it was Mordred who offered to stay and help her. Once they had convinced Arthur to go ahead, Merlin had used her power over dragons, to send Aithusa away. That was when Morgana appeared.

“How are you Merlin? And you, Mordred? You’d betray your kind for that?” Morgana hissed.

“You won’t hurt her Morgana.” Mordred said calmly. He wouldn’t allow Morgana to hurt his mother. Morgana scowled.

“Oh? Is there some love affair going on that I should know about? I’m sure Arthur wouldn’t be happy to know that you both kept such a great secret from him.” Morgana said. She pointed a hand at Mordred.

“No!” Merlin yelled angrily, her eyes flashing gold. Morgana flew backwards and hit a rock, hard enough to knock her unconscious. Mordred looked at Merlin in shock. “She will not harm you. Not my son. Damn her and her hatred, she won’t ever bring you harm if I can prevent it.” Merlin said softly. Mordred couldn’t help admiring his mother. She was so strong in her own right. She was willing to fight Morgana for him, even in her present condition, and knowing she was in pain, Merlin was willing to protect him from anything. Mordred smiled.

“We should be going, Mother.” Mordred stated. Merlin smiled brightly and nodded, as she made to move, she grimaced in pain. “It’s getting worse.” Mordred said. Merlin nodded.

“Don’t worry Mordred. Once this is done, we’ll get back to Camelot and everything will be fine. If we don’t do this now, we’ll never get another chance, and we’ll lose Gwen forever.” Merlin reassured. Mordred still felt apprehensive about all of this, but he trusted his mother. He knew that she was honest above all else.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Once they got to the cauldron, which was a great pool of water, Merlin disappeared, going to find the “witch” that Gaius had mentioned. Mordred waited with Arthur, still worrying about his mother. He didn’t know how much longer she could last under these conditions. It was when Arthur had finally convinced Gwen to walk into the cauldron of Arianrhod and Merlin had begun to use her magic, that Mordred truly felt the full force of her power. Mordred was shocked and awed that anyone could have such powerful magic, especially knowing what Merlin was going through. It was an amazing thing for Mordred to behold. Mordred almost laughed when ‘Dolma’ asked for a day off for Merlin, considering the “poor boy was her surety” and that Arthur owed him. Arthur agreed, though he looked confused. It was when only after ‘Dolma’ left and Merlin came back, that Mordred could see how all of this had exhausted his mother. She was pale, beyond belief, but Arthur and Gwen seemed not to notice as they were almost completely absorbed with each other.

“Merlin?” Mordred and Merlin both looked at Arthur.

“Yes Arthur?” Merlin questioned back.

“I’m giving you the day off tomorrow.” Arthur stated. Merlin grinned.

“Really? What bought on this sudden act of charitable behaviour?” Merlin asked cheekily. Mordred wanted to laugh, knowing that Merlin had orchestrated all this herself.

“Shut up _Mer_ lin. Or I might just change my mind.” Arthur shot back. Merlin laughed, even as Mordred noticed the wince as she walked, Merlin was still trying to protect Arthur and him from her pain.

xXxXxXx LATER THAT NIGHT xXxXxXx

Merlin was in terrible pain. Riding back to Camelot was the only way, but she knew she was in danger. She kept looking at Mordred, to make sure that he was still there, still alive. Her foolishness was putting his life in danger all the time. At this moment, she was putting him in more danger than ever. As they finally rode back into the courtyard, Merlin offered to put the horses away, saying Arthur and Gwen needed to spend some time together, especially as she was having the day off. Arthur and Gwen agreed, Gwen grasped Merlin’s hand and smiled in thanks.

“Once you’ve seen to the horses, go and get some rest Merlin. You look pale.” Arthur said. Merlin nodded her understanding and Arthur gave Merlin a smile. Gwen waved to Merlin, as they walked up the stairs and into the palace. It was at that moment that Merlin collapsed from the horse. Mordred, almost predicting this, was already at her side, stopping her from falling to the ground. Mordred could see that Merlin was in terrible pain.

“Mother?” Mordred pleaded. Merlin took a deep rasping breath.

“We have to put these horses away and get to Gaius. The spell I got you to use has finally worn off. Everything will happen pretty quickly from now on. I’d rather be in Gaius’ chambers before I give birth.” Merlin said softly. Mordred nodded his understanding. It was when mother and son had finally made it into the stables, and Mordred had settled the horses in for the night, that the first raindrops had started to fall.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“Do you think that Merlin and Mordred are involved?” Arthur asked his wife as the couple sat by the fireplace. Arthur had set the fire himself, having told Merlin to go and get some rest after he put the horses away. Arthur had noticed how exhausted Merlin looked on the journey back to Camelot, and he’d seen looks of pain on his friend’s face, as they had ridden quickly back to Camelot. None of them had wanted to give Morgana a chance to come after them again. Arthur found that he saw Mordred giving Merlin concerned looks more often throughout the journey. Arthur assumed that Merlin’s ankle was still in a great deal of pain from their fall earlier, and Merlin, as usual hadn’t said a word about his own pain.

“I’m not sure. I didn’t think they were that close.” Gwen replied.

“Neither did I, until today. I have noticed that they were growing closer, but... well we both know Merlin has never shown any interest in women.” Arthur replied. Gwen nodded.

“Yes I know that. I suppose you might be right. It would be nice to see Merlin happy for a change. He spends so much time on making us all happy that he never seems to think about himself.” Gwen replied. Arthur nodded his agreement, both of them hoping Merlin would be happy.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred felt a coil of dread tightly curled in his stomach, waiting to spring. He’d put all the equipment away as his mother instructed him, though Mordred could tell she was doing it to keep her mind from the pain. The rain was torrential by now, and Mordred feared what would happen when they tried to get to Gaius’ chambers. It was then that Merlin bent over, a guttural, pained cry wrenched from her throat. Mordred ran to her side and grabbed her hand.

“Mother? We need to get you to Gaius.” Mordred said. He was frightened for her.

“I can’t... I can’t keep this up. The transformation illusion is draining too much of the energy I need.” Merlin gasped.

“Then remove the spell Mother. I’ll take you to Gaius. I can use a teleportation spell. No one will see you.” Mordred said quickly.

“Mordred it’s too dangerous for you to perform magic here.” Merlin gasped.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures Mother. Trust me.” Mordred replied. Merlin nodded and uttered the counter spell. Immediately, Mordred saw Merlin’s face and features change before his eyes. She now looked like herself, a pregnant girl who was suffering. Mordred kept hold of her hand as he helped her to her feet. Just as Mordred was about to utter the teleportation spell he knew, Merlin doubled over, almost collapsing to the ground on her knees. A few stray tears leaked from her eyes to drip down her cheeks.

“Something’s wrong.” Merlin sobbed. “I can feel blood dripping down my leg.” She added. Mordred could see the terror in her eyes, and he felt it within his soul.

“We’ll both be alright Mother. I’m still here, so I’m not dead. Everything will be alright.” Mordred said. As he spoke, thunder and lightning crashed with horrible velocity all around them.

“We need to get to Gaius, now. Soon they’ll send a stable boy out here to watch the horses in a storm like this.” Merlin said. Mordred nodded and within moments he had uttered the teleportation spell he knew, taking him and his mother to Gaius’ chambers.

Not a few moments later, a sleepy stable hand walked into the stable, seeing the horses were alright, he went to sit on the barrel where Merlin had been sitting, only to see blood smeared on top of it. The stable hand grimaced, wondering what had happened. He knew he couldn’t go to the King about it now, he’d have to wait until morning, and hope the storm was over so that he was no longer required to look after the horses. With that uneasy thought on his mind, the stable hand sat down somewhere and made himself comfortable, knowing he would not rest tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I make my stories so dark. But still, I hope you enjoyed the chapter anyways. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. I'm always glad to hear your opinions. (nods) I should update soon, hopefully. LOL!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, thanks to those who read and commented and sent kudos. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 6.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

_“You get up and somebody tells you where to go to,_

_When you get there everybody’s telling you what to do,_

_Thank you, it’s been another bloody Monday,_

_And no one’s asking you what you wanted anyway,_

_Scream, ‘til you feel it,_

_Scream, ‘til you believe it,_

_Scream, and when it hurts you,_

_Scream it out loud.” Scream – Tokio Hotel_

 

When Mordred and Merlin appeared in Gaius’ chambers, Gaius almost jumped out of his skin. Gaius looked at Merlin and then Mordred.

“What’s happened?” Gaius asked, quickly launching into his role as a physician, to hide his worry.

“She took a bad fall and got me to use a spell to slow the process of labour. But...” Mordred stopped not sure how to explain.

“I’m bleeding Gaius. The pain has been getting worse since yesterday. I had to remove the illusion spell, it was taking too much of my energy.” Merlin sobbed out. She couldn’t stand, and Mordred was holding her up. Gaius nodded and looked at Mordred.

“Mordred, do you have the energy to use the teleportation spell that you just used to bring your mother here, twice more?” Gaius asked. Mordred thought about it for a moment. He’d hardly used his magic at all on this journey, so his energy reserves were great, but the teleportation spell took a lot of energy to use. Finally, Mordred nodded, he would be able to do it, he was positive. Gaius visibly relaxed. “Mordred, I’m going to give you a letter, and you will need to get to Nemere on the outskirts of Camelot. There, living in a house close to the local tavern, is a woman called Alice. She’s... older, as I am, but you will know her home because she has a totem hanging from a window. It’s not obvious unless you’re looking for it. If you give her this letter, she will come with you. I will need her help with this birth. I would normally call for a midwife, but no one in Camelot can be trusted to do this task in secrecy, and none would be prepared for any magical happenings. I’ve already sent Alice a letter to let her know what’s happening. She knows who you are. She will come.” Gaius instructed. Merlin looked pale, as Mordred still held on to her.

“Are you sure she’ll come with me?” Mordred asked. Gaius nodded.

“Don’t take your red cloak. Camelot Knights inspire a great deal of fear to those with magic.” Gaius replied. Mordred nodded and looked at his mother.

“Mother? We need to get you laid down. You can’t keep standing like this.” Mordred said gently. Merlin nodded, as Gaius gestured to the spare cot that was kept for patients. Mordred walked Merlin over to the cot and gently helped her to first sit, and then lay down. Merlin was so pale that she was white and Mordred was now afraid for her life more than ever. “I’ll be back with Alice soon Mother. It won’t take me long.” Mordred said. Just before he left, Merlin grabbed his hand.

“Wait Mordred.” Merlin pleaded weakly. He knelt on the floor next to the cot.

“What’s wrong Mother?” Mordred asked. Merlin smiled at him brightly, one of those rare smiles that had been reserved for him especially when he was small.

“I just... want you to know how much I love you. I know... I know I haven’t... always made the best decisions... but...” Merlin gasped out.

“I love you too Mother. Nothing could ever change that.” Mordred replied gently. Merlin raised a hand and stroked his cheek gently, and he held her hand there, against his cheek, remembering the warmth of her touch when he was just a small boy. Even now, Mordred wished he could just stay with her as they were, that moment frozen in time, but he knew he couldn’t. “I’ll be back Mother. I won’t let you down.” Mordred said gently. Merlin smiled weakly.

“I know you won’t. You never could. You’re my son.” Merlin uttered. Then Mordred let go of her hand and moved from the cot, hating to part from his mother while she was in such pain. He uttered the words for the teleportation spell, as he pictured Alice in his mind. The Alice he had seen in his mother’s memories, who had attended his birth, was easy to picture for him.

Within moments, Mordred found himself in a small village on the outskirts of Camelot. He was in the forest, near a small house. Mordred almost laughed in relief as he saw the inn a little ways away, and the totem of healing above the door of the house. He took a deep breath and went to knock on the door. He recognised the old woman who answered as Alice. She looked at him curiously.

“Can I help you young man?” Alice asked gently. Mordred nodded.

“I have a letter from Gaius. It’s urgent that you come right away.” Mordred replied, handing the letter to the old woman. Alice took the letter and opened it. Her old eyes scanned the writing quickly, and she looked at him strangely.

“I can see it. The resemblance is uncanny. You have your mother’s eyes.” Alice said. Then she gestured that he come into the house. He followed and watched as she gathered some things and put them in a satchel. “I’ve had this prepared for the last month, but from what Gaius says, I’ll need these.” Alice explained as she placed some more herbs into the satchel. Mordred wondered what exactly Alice needed the herbs for, but he didn’t ask, afraid of the answer. Once she was ready to go, Mordred held out a hand.

“We’ll have to use a teleportation spell to get there. I’ve had to be as quick as possible.” Mordred said gently. Alice nodded and took hold of his arm. Within moments they had arrived back in Gaius’ chambers. Mordred felt the drain on his energy almost instantly, but he had gotten Alice there, that was what was important. Mordred saw that his mother was wearing an old sack cloth night gown. It was something Gaius kept around for patients, and Mordred could see that there was blood staining it, and the sheets, as his mother screamed in pain. As she screamed, a glass vial shattered and its contents spilled to the ground.

“I’ve never seen such a storm in all my life.” Alice said. Gaius nodded.

“It’s Merlin’s magic. Her distress is causing the weather to worsen.” Gaius told Alice quietly. Mordred still heard and he repressed a shiver.

“I’m going to check if anyone can hear my mother outside.” Mordred said.

“Be careful Mordred. You don’t want to run into anyone if you can help it. Everything must remain as normal as possible.” Gaius replied. Merlin screamed out in pain again, and an urn shattered into tiny fragments. Mordred clenched his fists, as he left Gaius’ chambers. He walked a bit further down the corridor and listened out, but the storm drowned out any noises, including his footsteps. It was a wonder anyone was sleeping in this storm. Mordred decided he would go back into Gaius’ chambers. Now was a time he might be needed more than ever, by his mother, and he didn’t intend to let her down.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur and Gwen were in bed trying to sleep, both mussed and sweaty from their... reunion.

“Do you think we’ll have a child? A little boy to call Elyan?” Gwen asked suddenly. Arthur blinked.

“I hope so, one day, but if not I still have you and that is all that matters.” Arthur replied. They both heard the storm raging outside.

“That is an awful storm.” Gwen said softly. Arthur nodded his agreement.

“I’m glad I told Merlin to go home when I did. He’d never have been able to walk back in this.” Arthur replied. “Let’s try and get some sleep. We’ll both have a lot of duties to complete after disappearing for two days.” Arthur added. Gwen saw the laughter behind his eyes. She wanted a little boy, with Arthur’s eyes and her hair. Slowly she drifted off to sleep.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred could see his mother was in a lot of pain. She was losing a lot of blood too, and for every scream that came from her mouth, something shattered. Gaius looked worried and so did Alice.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Merlin gasped out. Mordred blinked, he’d already seen this happen, he was about to be born.

“You can dear girl.” Gaius replied firmly. Merlin looked over at Mordred.

“Mordred?” Merlin called to him, her voice trembling, reaching out a hand. He came to stand beside her, and took her hand in both of his own. “I’m sorry Mordred.” Merlin sobbed out.

“What do you mean? What are you sorry for Mother?” Mordred asked gently.

“That day, when we came to get the crystal back, I abandoned you to those soldiers. You said you’d never forgive me, you’d never forget. If I had known...” Merlin trailed off as she screamed in pain. She grasped Mordred’s hand tightly, every bit of her pain laced into her grasp, making it painfully tight. Several of Gaius’ glass instruments shattered into fragments.

“Mother, there is nothing to forgive. I was growing again, my emotions were all over the place. I’ll admit I did feel betrayed that day, but I understood, Mother. I never should have said what I did because I would forgive you anything.” Mordred told his mother firmly.

“You could have died.” Merlin pleaded. Her eyes were filled with sadness, fear, pain and some nameless emotion that Mordred couldn’t describe.

“But I didn’t. I’m alive, and I’m alright. Now you have to be as strong as you’ve always been. You never need to fear me hating you Mother. I’d die before that could ever happen.” Mordred told Merlin firmly.

“Push Merlin.” Alice said. Merlin nodded and let out the loudest scream yet, as she pushed. She still held on to Mordred’s hand tightly, and Mordred winced as he felt some of the bones in his hand grinding together in his Mother’s grip. The table, where they had all taken so many of their meals, cracked in half and tipped over onto the ground, where the pieces rolled slightly, before going completely still. Then, it was over. All of a sudden a baby’s cry filled the room.

“Obviously it’s a boy.” Gaius said as he checked over Alice’s shoulder. The old woman washed baby Mordred carefully, and Merlin cried tears of joy as her baby’s wailing became louder. Mordred looked down at his Mother as she smiled, tears still running down her face. Alice handed baby Mordred over to Merlin, and she cradled her son in her arms.

“My sweet baby. He’s so perfect Gaius.” Merlin whispered. Mordred felt strangely as he saw his mother cradling his infant self. Merlin looked at him and took his hand again. “Mordred, don’t think that because I have you as a baby, that I don’t need you with me. I will always need you. You have to be very careful.” Merlin said gently. Mordred smiled at his mother and looked at Alice.

“I need to leave I’m afraid.” Alice said.

“I know. Thank you for everything.” Merlin replied. Alice nodded and Mordred offered her an arm.

“I’ll make sure you get back safely.” Mordred said. He prepared to use the teleportation spell to take him back to Alice’s home. He had been resting after all. He’d had a chance to replenish his strength. Mordred looked at his mother. “As soon as you’ve got enough energy Mother, use your magic to heal yourself. At least you don’t need to suffer.” Mordred said gently. Merlin nodded.

“Make sure to get Alice home safely and that you get back safely too. Maybe we can fix some of the damage in here before anyone notices.” Merlin replied, a laugh hidden behind her eyes. Mordred nodded, uttering the arcane words to allow him to teleport to Alice’s home in mere instants.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next day, Merlin and Mordred sat together, baby Mordred in Merlin’s arms.

“People are going to ask why you’ve called your son Mordred.” Mordred said softly.

“Well, I thought it might be a good idea for us to take a walk. We need to hide baby you obviously. When we come back, I can say that you found him, and seeing as you’ve saved his life, I’m naming him after you.” Merlin replied. “It wouldn’t be a lie really. After all, you saved us both, if it weren’t for you, we’d be dead. I don’t know if I could have done everything I did without you.” Merlin said. Mordred nodded, feeling a strange sense of pride well up within him.

“So an invisibility spell would be a good idea to hide baby me.” Mordred said gently. Merlin nodded as she looked through her spell book, baby Mordred cradled in one arm, and the book open on her lap, Merlin quickly skimmed through the book. Mordred wondered to himself if she had done that often in his time as well, but he knew he could never ask her, because the question wouldn’t make any sense.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

It had been strange for Arthur not to wake up to Merlin’s voice, obnoxiously rousing him from sleep. He frowned that day as he looked for his tax scroll. Merlin knew where everything was, but for some reason, Arthur couldn’t think where Merlin had put that scroll. Gwen looked at him strangely.

“What’s wrong?” Gwen asked.

“I can’t find that damn tax scroll. I’ll have to go and ask Merlin where it is.” Arthur stated.

“You gave him the day off.” Gwen chided gently.

“I know. I’m not going to tell him to come to work. I do need that scroll. It’s better to ask him then be searching for it all day and get no work done.” Arthur said to Gwen. She gave a smile as Arthur left the room.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred and Merlin had already gone for their walk, and been seen coming back with baby Mordred. They were in Gaius’ chambers, and Mordred knew that Arthur would be coming along any minute. So did Merlin, as she realised she had to change the baby’s diaper. She sighed, her illusion once again firmly in place, as she gently placed her baby down to change the diaper, just as she’d finished, Arthur walked in. He looked confused to see Merlin and Mordred with a baby.

“Merlin? Is that a baby?” Arthur asked.

“Yes Arthur, this is a baby.” Merlin replied.

“We found him in the forest. We asked around but nobody has even seen a pregnant woman around, let alone someone ready to give birth. We’ve no idea where the baby came from.” Mordred replied. He had gone to Leon and Gwaine and got them to ask around about a missing baby, or an abandoned one. He knew there would be no one to trace his infant self back to. After all, Merlin had given birth to him and no one even knew she was a women. He had been right, not a single trace had turned up.

“So what’s going to happen to the little one?” Arthur asked.

“Gaius and I talked about it and I’ve decided to take him in.” Merlin stated. Arthur looked thoroughly confused.

“Well Merlin, I always knew you were a girl. So my best friend is now a father.” Arthur said, laughing after a few moments. “Do you mind?” Arthur asked, holding his arms out. Mordred’s heart stopped. Sometimes he almost forgot that Arthur was his father, but moments like these were undeniable, where Mordred wished to know his father’s approval. Merlin didn’t hesitate. She placed Mordred in his arms. It was the same as Mordred had seen in his mother’s memories before. “What’s his name?” Arthur asked.

“Mordred.” Merlin replied.

“Mordred?” Arthur asked.

“Mordred found him, so I thought it would be a good idea to name him after his saviour.” Merlin replied. Arthur shrugged and smiled, as he looked down at the baby in his arms.

“Well little Mordred, I will be your Uncle Arthur, and seeing as Merlin is useless at sword fighting, I’ll teach you all about it. I’m sure when your Auntie Gwen has a baby, you will be best friends just like your father and I.” Arthur said to the baby. The baby gurgled and stared up at Arthur. Mordred felt like he couldn’t breathe. It was strange to see Arthur looking at his infant self with something that was akin to love and care. Arthur smiled down at the baby and then handed him back over to Merlin as he had done originally. “He’s cute. He... he looks a lot like how I imagine you looked as a baby.” Arthur said. Almost as though he weren’t thinking about what he was saying. Mordred recalled him saying the same things in his mother’s memories before. It was uncanny how everything seemed to be playing out almost exactly the same way as they had before.

“Are you saying I’m cute?” Merlin asked cheekily. Mordred could see the amusement behind her eyes.

“No! Of course not. But you must have been a cute baby. Gwen’s always saying that you’re sweet and that all babies are cute.” Arthur blustered. Then he left. Merlin cradled Mordred close as Gaius came out of Merlin’s room, where he’d been sat. Mordred and Gaius could see that sadness in Merlin’s face.

“One day he’s going to hate me for this.” Merlin said softly. “He’ll know this as the first time he held his own child, his first born, and he will hate me for not telling him the truth.” Merlin added. Mordred walked over to his Mother and hugged her.

“He’ll never hate you. I don’t think he could ever hate you, just as I never could.” Mordred tried to reassure his mother. He never told her that sometimes, he was afraid Arthur would hate him when he knew the truth too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...... I'm trying to catch up my Merlin stories to their counterparts on FF.Net, so I'll be trying to get more chapters out. LOL! I hope this chapter was enjoyed. Please Comment or send Kudos and let me know what you thought of that chapter and I hope that the next chapter is not disappointing. (nods)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... here's an update. LOL! I know I've taken ages. Thanks to everyone who commented and sent kudos and read this. I am so grateful to you all. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 7.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

_“Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_And say it for me, say it to me_

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it’s worth savin’ me.” Savin’ Me – Nickelback._   
  


It had been three years. Mordred spent as much time as he could with his mother and Gaius, he also spent a great deal of time around the Knights and Gwen. The strangest part of him still being in the past was that he got to watch as his infant self grew. Mordred was in his mother’s room, looking for the old spell book, when he heard Gaius’ door open. He peeked through the door that was only slightly open, to see Gwen standing there. Merlin was holding his three year old self.

“Merlin! I’m pregnant!” Gwen stated, a grin spread across her face.

“I’m so happy for you Gwen.” Merlin said. Again, Mordred noticed the sadness in his mother’s eyes when Gwen did not. Mordred saw Gwen take his toddler self from Merlin and hug him.

“Anti Gwen!” The toddler squealed, as Gwen spun him around.

“Oh my baby will have such a good friend in little Mordred. Merlin you must promise that you’ll bring Mordred to the nursery to play with the baby.” Gwen said. Merlin resolutely promised, as Gwen tickled little Mordred’s stomach.

xXxXxXx TWO MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred was confused when he came to the stables to find Arthur holding his toddler self outside. He had his horse saddled and ready for a ride.

“Look Mordred, this is a horse. We’re going to ride him. What do you think?” Arthur said to the child.

“Horse name?” The toddler asked.

“Her name is Llamrei, Mordred.” Arthur said.

“Ride Lammy?” toddler Mordred asked.

“Yes. We’re going to ride Llamrei, Mordred.” Arthur said. He put the toddler on the horse first, before climbing up behind him. Little Mordred squealed with delight, as Arthur put his small hands on the reigns. That was when Arthur saw him.

“Mordred! Were you looking for me?” Arthur called to him.

“Oh, no Sire. I just saw you with little Mordred when I was coming to check on my horse. He had a problem with his leg, but he seems to be getting better.” Mordred replied. Arthur smiled and nodded.

“Bwofa! I riding!” The toddler called out. Mordred smiled at his toddler self. Little Mordred called Mordred his brother, which was true in a sense. Mordred was his older self.

“You’re a brother, Merlin’s his mama, although that doesn’t surprise me. Merlin is such a girl.” Arthur stated.

“Girl!” Toddler Mordred exclaimed, parroting Arthur. Arthur laughed and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“Enjoy your ride.” Mordred said. Arthur nodded and looked down at little Mordred.

“Let’s go shall we Mordred?” Arthur asked the toddler. Little Mordred nodded eagerly, and Arthur urged the horse forward, little Mordred giggling with delight as he held on to the reigns. Arthur had one hand on the reigns over little Mordred’s and his other arm wrapped tight around him, ready to stop him falling from the horse at any point. It was strange, Mordred thought that he’d never seen them look more like a father and son then they did at this moment. It made him feel such sadness. If they were lucky, Morgana would never get the chance to kill Gwen’s child, and she wouldn’t get the chance to take Camelot. That meant that she would not reveal Merlin’s secret. Arthur would never know that Merlin was a woman, and would therefore, never know that Mordred was his son. Mordred wasn’t sure whether he thought this was a good thing or a bad thing. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Arthur to know him for who he was or not. But he felt his heart clench at the idea that he would never be able to call Arthur his father.

xXxXxXx THREE MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred stood by his mother, as she held his toddler self in her arms. The other knights stood beside him as Gwen and Arthur stood in front of their thrones. They were announcing Gwen’s pregnancy now that they were sure nothing would go wrong. Gwen was six months pregnant by Gaius’ estimate. Mordred knew that Morgana would attack soon. Within the next three months, before this child was born, Morgana would attack and Mordred would be ready.

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred was with his mother, watching her tuck his toddler self into bed one night, when little Mordred looked at them sadly.

“Mama I dun wan the mean lady to come to Camelot.” Little Mordred said.

“What mean lady my Mordred?” Merlin asked her young son gently.

“Morgana. Dat’s wat you called her in my dream.” Little Mordred replied.

“What happened in your dream Mordred?” Mordred asked his young self. The boy looked at them both warily before he started to explain. From his garbled language and his fear, Mordred and Merlin had both found out that little Mordred had dreamed of the night that Morgana would come to Camelot and kill Gwen’s unborn child.

“We won’t let the mean lady hurt anyone my sweetheart. Go to sleep. Everything will be alright.” Merlin told her small son. He nodded and soon, he was breathing deeply and evenly, sleeping the sleep of the innocent.

“It will happen soon mother.” Mordred said sadly.

“No. Because I won’t let it happen Mordred. Gwen will not lose her child. I will not allow that to happen.” Merlin said firmly. Mordred could only pray that she was right.

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Gwaine had married Princess Elena, and the feast was a grand occasion. Gwen was sitting there, dressed in a beautiful pink gown, her stomach large with child. Mordred knew this was the night. He could feel it in his bones. Gwen was wearing the same gown as she had been in his mother’s memories. Little Mordred was nearly four years old, and he was toddling around the hall, playing with a wooden sword that Arthur had given him. He said he was going to be a knight and protect his ‘little brother’ as soon as he was big enough. Everyone found it amusing that little Mordred thought the baby was going to be a boy. But Mordred knew that his younger self had already dreamed of Elyan Pendragon. It was when Merlin had put little Mordred to bed and had come back that Mordred was on high alert.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin was watching out for something, anything at all, that would alert her to Morgana’s presence. She had poured Gwen a goblet of water and emptied a vial of tasteless, odourless, potion. This potion she had made, with Gaius’ help, had the power to protect the unborn baby from any harm. It was like a giant shield that would encase the baby, and hopefully save Gwen from being hurt too badly. Seeing her own memories of Gwen losing her baby and her chance to have any more children had hurt her in a way she didn’t understand really. All she knew was that she had to do everything she could to protect Gwen this time round. It had taken a month to prepare the potion, and now Merlin was going to make sure that Gwen got the protection she needed.

“Gwen.” Merlin said gently. Gwen was rubbing her large stomach absently as she looked up at Merlin and smiled.

“Oh Merlin, have you bought me some more water? I’m so thirsty lately.” Gwen asked. Merlin nodded and handed Gwen the cup. She watched Gwen gulp down the cup of water and she saw the faint glow of the magic potion working, before it faded away. Merlin let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding as she walked over to Mordred to let him know the potion had worked.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred saw his mother nod at him vaguely and let out his own breath of relief. His mother hadn’t told him about the potion until this morning, in case she hadn’t been able to have it ready in time, or if something had gone wrong with the brewing. It was at that moment that Morgana arrived.

“What do you want here Morgana?” Arthur asked. Mordred didn’t need to look at Arthur to see his anger.

“Why, my dear brother, I just wanted to offer my congratulations to you and your wife. It’s not every day the family gets bigger.” Morgana said coldly. Then she held out a hand, and before Mordred could yell a warning, she had blasted a spell at Gwen, who was thrown into the pillar behind her. Just as Mordred had seen before

“Guinevere!” Arthur yelled fearfully as he knelt by her side, she was unconscious, and her body trembled. Again there was blood staining Gwen’s dress, but not as much as Mordred remembered from his mother’s memories. Morgana smirked as Merlin glared at her angrily.

“Guinevere will never give birth to a living child.” Morgana stated. Then she was gone.

xXxXxXx SEVERAL HOURS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred was by Arthur’s side as Merlin and Gaius were in Arthur’s chambers, trying to save Gwen’s life. Mordred could only hope that the potion had worked. When Merlin finally opened the door, a smile across her face, Mordred felt relief flow through him.

“Arthur, you have a son.” Merlin stated, as she opened the door fully. She, as always when she was in the company of others, looked like a man. She held a mocha skinned baby in her arms, wrapped in a red blanket, with the Pendragon crest on it. The baby’s hair was dark and curly. He had Gwen’s looks, but when he opened his eyes, for just the slightest moment, Mordred saw his blue eyes. He knew those eyes would never change colour.

“Is Gwen alright?” Arthur asked as he looked at the child in Merlin’s arms with wonder.

“She will be fine. They were both lucky.” Merlin said gently, and then held out the baby towards Arthur. Arthur gently took hold of the baby boy.

“Hello Elyan.” Arthur said to the baby gently. “Elyan Pendragon. What do you think Merlin?” Arthur asked. Merlin smiled brightly.

“I think it suits him. Elyan Thomas Pendragon.” Merlin stated. Arthur blinked for a moment before nodding.

“Thomas for Tom, Gwen’s father. I think it’s the perfect name for him. Prince Elyan Thomas Pendragon. Little Mordred will be happy. He was so sure Elyan would be a boy and he was right.” Arthur said gently. Merlin nodded as she looked at Mordred. Mordred gave a weak smile as he looked at Arthur with the baby. He knew that Arthur would never be able to show Mordred that kind of love and care. Mordred was just Merlin’s son. Elyan, was his own son. The crowned Prince, or he would be one day. Mordred licked at his lips nervously as He watched Arthur walk into the room to see his wife, Elyan cradled in his arms. The door closed behind him. They walked back to Gaius chambers, and it was when they got back there and Merlin closed the door, that Mordred finally said what he was feeling.

“I never had that from him. He’d never love me unconditionally.” Mordred said sadly. He felt the sadness overwhelming him. Merlin had removed the illusion spell when they had arrived in Gaius’ chambers, and she pulled Mordred into her embrace. It was then that Mordred finally managed to allow himself to cry. He’d never thought about his situation before. He’d never heard the term ‘bastard’ used around him, but that was exactly what he was. He was a bastard, and his father could never acknowledge him, even if he knew Mordred was his son, because Mordred had been born out of wedlock. Mordred, for the first time, allowed himself to be angry. He allowed himself some sadness. It was Gaius, who found them later, Merlin sat in a chair by the fire, with Mordred’s head in her lap, as she stroked his hair gently. Gaius heard what Merlin said as he came in to the room.

“Don’t ever feel that you’re less because of the way you were born Mordred. Don’t ever think of yourself badly for it. You’re the most precious thing in this world to me. You are loved Mordred. Nothing and no one will ever change how much you are loved.” Merlin told her son. Her voice soothed him as she stroked his hair. Gaius smiled as he took in the scene. Not wanting to disturb them he grabbed the herbs he needed quietly and gave Merlin a nod. Merlin nodded back. Mordred had never noticed Gaius arriving or leaving as he listened to his mother’s kind words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...... that's the end of this chapter. LOL! I hope you enjoyed it. Any comments and kudos are appreciated, and so are readers. XD Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.


End file.
